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  • Accalia Rositani

Count How Many Times I Say "Kind," I dare you

I believe there is a real misconception of kindness that exists now, and probably has existed for a long time. The misconception being that if you regularly act with kindness towards others, you’re weaker and more passive than those who appear stern. I understand that the way kindness manifests in people may not always appear uniform, so I will generalize this term as someone who is typically accommodating for others.

They’ve asked what my schedule looks like, instead of telling me outright what day they’d want to meet? They must not care about themself.

They’ve offered to drive? They’re probably too self-conscious to ask if I can go to them.

These thought processes are exaggerated, I’ll admit, but the immediate associations of not caring about themself and self-conscious aren’t. And this is what is incredibly problematic. Kind people aren’t passive; what they are, is at high risk of being taken advantage of.

Kindness comes from a place of empathy-from a place of wanting other people to feel comfortable and recognized. For some people, this quality is something they’ve never tried to achieve, and for others, they’ve had to work for it. The intent of kindness is to be considerate, though, no matter the origin. And this consideration is the key to understanding the difference between a kind and a passive person. Because in order for someone to know how to consider others, they must know how to recognize their own needs. They’ve learned the value of their existence, and are able to apply it to others. Whereas a passive person, by definition, is not considering themselves to any degree, or is withholding their standards which could result in unnecessary frustration and miscommunication in the future. Unfortunately, the line between these characteristics can easily become blurred when it is convenient; when it is in the interest of someone to take advantage.

Maturity and self-awareness breed empathy more often than meekness or self-hatred do, and once it is apparent that someone has been manipulating another’s value for their own gain, the kindness changes. It does not leave, exactly, but it switches focus from the manipulator to themselves, leaving fewer opportunities to enjoy the kindness they once knew. This is the defense of an empath. This is why it is easier to appear mean, because you put so much on the line when you give people the benefit of the doubt. Luckily, kindness never runs out. It just knows when to change focus.


a person who appreciates all you kind people:)

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